After years of entertaining all in the Emerald City with her charming cackle, snow globe scrying and signature melting witch routine, reports have been confirmed: Elphaba, the Wicked Witch of the West, is dead. Though rumors are flying fast as brooms on a Full Moon - some say that the culprit may even be the infamous Dorothy Morrison, who was not only seen in the city recently, stylishly dressed in a black suit and wearing a pair of 4-inch ruby-red high heels, but has claimed Elphaba's seat as Most Wicked Of All - cause of death is still undetermined. A full report will be issued pending the results of the asheomancy.
The Flying Monkeys were called to the scene late yesterday, but despite great effort, were unable to revive her. "It was worse than Humpty Dumpty," said MoonWing Monkeyshines, the medical technician in charge. "A lot worse. At least with him, we had something to work with. Something to try to glue back together. There was nothing left of Elphaba at all. No-thing but a shrieking pile of green ashes."
When asked to confirm the rumor that the corps had stopped for a leisurely lunch before responding to the emergency call, Monkeyshines just hung his head, folded his wings over his face and burst into wracking sobs. A full investigation into the matter is expected.
The city's munchkins, however, don't seem to share Monkeyshine's grief. They were seen this morning on the Yellow Brick Road, practicing a new dance routine while singing:
Something really ought to be done about their disgraceful behavior.
The Emerald City has seen some interesting times, but none nearly as interesting as the present. Internationally famous Witch and author, Dorothy Morrison, blew into town a few days ago to promote her new hexes and curses book, Utterly Wicked. She arrived neither via broom nor hot air balloon, but on a decidedly suspicious device called an airplane. Neither was she wearing the traditional mode of dress; instead, she hit the ground bare-headed, in a designer suit with a skirt nearly six inches above her knees. But if that wasn't enough to give us all a nervous twitch, the shoes on her feet certainly were. For lo and behold, she sashayed down the steps in a pair of ruby red, patent leather stiletto heels, sporting enough gloss to scry in.
It's rumored that Morrison is a direct descendant of Dorothy Gayle of Kansas, that awful child who turned the Emerald City upside down several decades ago. When asked about the connection, Morrison rolled her eyes and laughed. "You can't be serious. Just look at me. Do you see any resemblance?"
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Utterly Wicked [continued from Page 1]
Resemblance or not, she's already turned the city on its ear, and seems to be effortlessly holding many of its constituents under her spell. So strong is this magic, in fact, that no one's even so much as raised an eyebrow as she's blatantly read cards for flying monkeys and taught munchkins how to work magic, to say nothing of indelibly marking the Yellow Brick Road with her handprint, footprint and signature.
But that's not all. After hearing of Elphaba's untimely death, she was reported to have smiled brightly, shook her head, and remarked between chuckles, "So, look who's got the red shoes now, bitch!" And if that's not utterly wicked, I don't know what is.
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Check out Dorothy's Tour Schedule
Morrison Manor - Home of Dorothy Morrison
Check Out Dorothy's Publisher, WillowTree Press
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